.things realized.

last night i decided to make the lasagna again, when i realized that my tiny NY apartment just really isn't conducive to cooking. but i love doing it so much, that i try and make it work, usually with several frustrations along the way. last night, these are things that i realized:

i have no counter space in which to prep my meals, so a lot of the scraps end up on the floor.
my stove has 4 burners, but it can only house 2 pots at a time.
my oven can fit a 9"x13" pan......barely.
the sink has no garbage disposal...and that's just dumb.
doing the dishes right after cooking kind of blows.

then...after spending the 2 hours prepping/cooking/baking the lasagna, i tended to my laundry and getting ready for bed. additional things realized:

when i go to grab my toothbrush out of the medicine cabinet, about 5 other items simultaneously fall out. this happens every time.
when i pick up my laundry, most of it will still be wet, so i'll need to hang it.
...my shower curtain rod is not sturdy enough to have more than 6 items hung on it before it will fall.
i don't have a lot of other places to hang things in my apt.
my closet is really small.
and/or i have too much laundry.

and a lot of these things continually frustrate me, and it's hard not to yell "GODDAMNIT" when my entire medicine cabinet empties into the sink, or when a cup of chopped onions falls onto the ground while i'm chopping mushrooms because i don't have enough room for everything. so knowing this, and dealing with it, why is it that i continue to live here? it's insanity that i have no space to do things i enjoy in my own apartment. so then i'll venture outside my apartment, but then my face freezes and i'll get pissed off at the ice slick on the stairs and the fact that even though it's sunny, it doesn't mean it's warm. and i think that spring is never coming. so why? why do you continue to taunt me NY?

because amidst all of this frustration, i woke up last night and heard the rain when it broke, lightly pitter-pattering on the awning of the storefront down beneath me. and sometimes i wonder if anyone else has the opportunity to walk through 3 cultures on your way to work (chinatown, little italy, and the lower east side), pausing briefly to stare at the view of the empire state building in the morning sun. and how amazing central park looks covered in the snow. and all the food. and bars. and cultchah! i mean yes. i hate it here and i love it here. and i go through the daily flip flop everyday, in the morning going from "that's it! i'm out of here, i'm going back to california..this is ridiculous"....to later that night walking home in the brisk air watching the sun go down over the jersey, thinking maybe this isn't so terrible after all. in fact, it's kind of amazing.

so right now, today. i heart ny.

but tomorrow may be another battle.