do you ever think sometimes you might be doing it wrong? life, i guess is what i mean though i think that comes off sounding wayyyy more depressing than i'm intending it to. but really, i'm honestly asking, do you ever do something knowing that it's the exact wrong thing for you to be doing? like that email i sent. wrong. that 4th glass of wine. wrong. those texts. that promise. wrong. wrong. this whole month...wrong? (or sooo right :))
i mean i have to wonder too, if i'm obsessing over these things though (probably). the catch-22 of it all is that while i'm sitting here wondering if i'm "doing it wrong," everyone else has moved on. i'm even reacting to doing it wrong, wrong. *le woe*
i know it's all part of learning. but why does it seem hard? i feel like i'm on the cusp of something great, some big change, some 'what does it all mean' discovery, but the road to get there is paved with learning curves that i obsess over. why am i so afraid to fail? WHY AM I SO AFRAID TO FAIL. in learning you're supposed to be able to make mistakes. but i seem to have a hard time allowing myself to do so. like i set a precedence for myself i can never attain, i try to attain it, can't, fail, and reprimand myself for something i could have never done in the first place. WHY DO I TAKE MYSELF SO SERIOUSLY.
relax. i need to relax. i need to change meds. i probably need to see someone. laugh. i need to laugh more at myself. you only live once. why not send things? why not take chances. risks. try and maybe succeed. try is the operative word. be not afraid.
ok, i think i just pepped myself up. see how writing can help meagen? let's try to do more of that. so bring it on 2012. i may not have control over everything life gives me, but i sure as hell can control my attitude towards it.