i was trying to avoid posting one of those "what does it all mean" blog things in my new 2010 life, but so has life become, that it seems that this might be the very way to help me deal with some of the seemingly endless, overwhelming stress in my life. and thus it begins. the whining.
i'm experiencing a pretty epic bout of writers block, as the stress continues. my fingers are strangers posting about my life, and myself only familiar now with words like "D5 master" and "calendar" and "telecine challenge." every night before i go to sleep, i have thoughts from work racing through my mind. was gillette approved? did google's shoot end on time so we're ensured to get the dailies? what did she say about additional shots she wanted? did i really have to be that much of a bitch? how can i be any better at my job? am i expecting too much, or are people delivering too little?
i think most of the stress i'm experiencing comes from issues with communication, a common problem in life. when everyone is an individual, coming from different families, places, cultures, backgrounds, how is it we're all expected to work together efficiently to come to a common end goal? while a lot of things in our life are made standard, to help people not only understand each other, but be able to work effectively with one another, there are certain things that are left open to interpretation, creating frustrations.
i am trying to pick out where i can do better, constantly striving to improve, but it's a slow process. i'm stubborn, plain and simple.
and why is it, i feel as though i'm constantly sabotaging myself to getting what i want? i want to lose weight, so inevitably i'll eat more and make excuses for why i can't work out. i want to have a social life, but choose to be a perfectionist and wrap myself up in work.
maybe it boils down to a lack of trust. i need to let go, or i'm going to go insane.
i really need to work on writing everyday. this has really gone downhill.