.helplessness blues.

oh fleet foxes. you've done it again.



in the comments, there's a lot about it being like dylan's "4th time around," which is i'm sure why this song jumped out at me on the new album. and thus, the sundays with dylan have come full modern circle.

.the miracle of man.

thought for the day.

"but we were born of risen apes, not fallen angels, and the apes were armed killers besides. and so what shall we wonder at? our murders and massacres and missiles, and our irreconcilable regiments? or our treaties whatever they may be worth; our symphonies however seldom they may be played; our peaceful acres, however frequently they may be converted into battlefields; our dreams however rarely they may be accomplished. the miracle of man is not how far he has sunk but how magnificently he has risen. we are known among the stars by our poems, not our corpses."

— robert ardrey

.times, they are a changing.

it's getting to be springtime in NY, which means cherry blossoms and some warmer weather (three whole days of it!). and with the spring has come some changes, and i've found myself in the world of freelance post producing; a change i am both excited and ohshitterrified about. but one thing i'm coming to find i that this whole time off in between gigs is pretty fantastic. i stayed in my pajamas all day today. that's right. all. day. and it's tuesday which means law and order: SVU marathon. fuck.yes. but of course, with everything else, a lot of questions have popped up about, you know. life. naturally, because god forbid a change happens in my life without making me have to re-evaluate EVERYTHING. sheesh. can't i just let the chips fall where they may? do i have to try and control everything? (the answer is unfortunately, yes...but i'm trying to work on that).

so the main question is: what do -i- want. what does meagen want. hmmm. i think the answer right now is simply "change," and i assume the answers will make themselves clearer once i get fully involved with this new chapter in my life. and i'll realize if freelancing is what i want to do, or maybe it's leaving advertising all together. moving to freaking spain and living there for a year. or moving back to LA....(mom, don't get too excited yet...i said maybe). but that's i think why i'm excited about this. to work at new places, experience new things, meet new people. it's interesting because it usually takes me a few months to be fully comfortable working somewhere, so this will be a personal goal and challenge for me to open up sooner. (TEAR DOWN THAT WALL). changes.

and NY. oh NY. it's been a crazy 3 weeks hasn't it? it's funny, because the reason i am here (for my job) isn't there anymore. so it really has been making me think. (should i stay or should i go now). and it's just interesting. there have been a lot of disenchanting things about NY that i've been experiencing lately. like my bed bath and beyond experience. the long and short of it is: i was stalked in the store by a gentleman who kept popping up to say "SEXY," and then left at the checkout counter for 15 mins while we waited for the back to find a UPC code while my checker proceeded to sing katy perry and shoot the shit with her manager, neither of which decided to acknowledge nor help me. 15. minutes. that's an eternity. beyond. or today, while trying to find stamps. they don't sell them at the drugstore or markets here, so i found what the lower east side thinks is a post office aka 10x12 storefront with 1 disgruntled employee who when i asked for a bubble mailer, bent down and said "move bitch" to her coworker in order to get it. that was after the elderly foreign man tried to cut me in line because he thought the checker would "remember him." charming. or waking up at 7:30am because someone is filming something about the pickle place underneath your apt, while at 4am the same morning a group of bargoers decides to break into song and dance underneath your window. yes. NY. you're on my shitlist right now.

but in this city live a lot of people and places i'd miss dearly. and it's hard to think about leaving them. fuck, i can't leave them. i need them. alright NY...you still have a little bit of a hold on me. damnit. so i guess in the coming months, i'm hoping to split more of my time with LA, and decide what's really the best for me. and maybe it's bicoastal-ism. a balance of the two, so i can live both lives. or maybe it's committing to a location. either way, i know good things are coming. the bartender at the whiskey ward said so. and she knows me better than anyone.

times, they are a changing.