.cock pushups.

this is one of those stories that i feel like only happens to me, because i am the real-life liz lemon. sometimes i'm cute, a lot of the times i'm quirky, and more often than not, i'm fairly awkward.

in this new year of 2010, i have taken an interest in my health in trying to lose some pounds rather than put anymore on. i'm not obsessing about it (yet), just trying to eat a bit healthier, like trying not to wolf down burgers for lunch like it's my last meal on earth, and also trying to work out a few times a week. so far, it's been going pretty well, so i have to applaud myself. yay me!

so today's workout began like any others. i opted for the gym instead of yoga to switch things up a bit, and i felt like i had a lot of energy i needed to run out. arrived at the gym armed with my ipod, kick-ass workout playlist and giant container of water. when i go to the treadmill, i notice that ludlow fitness has acquired some new machinery. so new. so clean. so shiny. such big screens. and...a place to connect your ipod so you don't have to hold it. (omfg). so i go to plug in my ipod. plugs in, asks me if i want to save my workout (sure?) and a menu pops up on the big new shiny screen that asks me to find the music. so i'm searching for my awesome new workout playlist i spent the last 20 mins at work creating, and it's not coming up. in fact, the treadmill seems to be stalled. so i push a little harder on the screen. nothing. tap tap tap. TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP. STAB STAB. furiously, i'm stabbing at this touch screen with my index finger trying to find music. i am switching songs, but can't hear anything. volume VOLUME VOLUME. nothing. then i see the screen change. oh great, must mean music is coming on! finally. i ease myself into my workout, turn on the treadmill and start to walk. that's when the song name comes up on the screen...in HUGE letters.

COCK PUSHUPS: TENACIOUS D

of all the songs my ipod could have chosen on shuffle, this is the one. this is the song the amazing new machinery at ludlow fitness chooses for my first gym workout of 2010. fuck. i almost spit my water out. fucking new shiny screen. TAP TAP TAP TAP. STAB STAB. GODDAMNIT. WHY WON'T THIS FUCKING TREADMILL TURN OFF.

after what seems like an eternity of having the phrase COCK PUSHUPS jump off the screen to the people on the treadmills next to me (and quite possibly the gym-goers behind me on the elliptical machines), the screen goes back to my simulated race track where i have now burned 10 calories both walking, and stabbing the touch screen trying to rid my workout of it's whorish phrases.

these gyms today and their machines...their...newfangled gadgets and...machines. maybe i should focus more on the yoga. sheesh.